‘Pat-yourself-on-the-back-o-matic’ Script


Concept: 1980’s American 2nd hand car sales / Shopping channel advert. 


Bad acting (set the bar high for us), bad filming, bad visuals, bad framing, jump cuts, old effects. So bad it’s good!




Effects: 
VHS style image, color aberration, glitches etc, Neon colours and 80’s geometric patterns and transitions. And COMIC SANS!!!


Script:


“Tired of your achievements not getting any recognition by your boss or fellow co-workers?”


¾ shot: Actor#1 poker face nods and frowns.


“Or Tired of your cost-cutting and efficiency drives not being appreciated by your staff?”


¾ shot: Actor#2 poker face nods and frowns.


“Then this is for you!”


Head shot: Actor #1, #2 Smile. Thumbs up?


“From the people who brought you ’Slap-yourself-in-the-face-o-matic’ comes a new innovation in self loving!. The ‘pat-yourself-on-the-back-o-matic’!”


Hero shot of Machine




“Our Team of master crafts people and top scientists have broken new boundaries, and the odd milling bit building this new mechanical automated wonder!”


Standing in one position: Actor #2+#3 in white coats and holding clipboards. Jump cut to the same actors in the same place not wearing white coats but holding the biggest tools possible.


MONTAGE Shots of us building / Final assembly


Erwin standing in frame close to edge, arm out of frame pushes him towards the machine. Erwin stumbles towards it.


“Choose from a variety of settings and just press the button!”
                
CU on dial and label: ‘1 heart - 3 hearts, Red wine + Chocolate’ 
CU: Button press.
Wide: Arm working on Erwin.
CU: Erwin Smiling / reaction


Lower-3rd telephone number streaming over the bottom (with disclaimer)


“Our phone lines are NOW open to take your orders, AND buy in the next 60 seconds and get a Slap-yourself-in-the-face-o-matic FREE!!!”


End shot: a dishevelled Erwin getting hit in the face and being pat on the back repeatedly; “Smile-ouch-smile-ouch”.